Rab was feeling real bad since the wife died. Greeting like a big lassie every day he was. His wee house on Lilybank had been dead lonely with just wan miserable bastard tae occupy it. But that was aboot tae change! A midgie flew intae his bedroom late wan summer night and tapped him on the shoulder. He tried tae squish the wee bastard, but it flew away and landed on the wall.
“It’s me. It’s me. It’s yir wife, Rab.”
“Brenda! Is that you? Is that really you?”
“Aye. Am a midgie now.”
“But you’re alive. How is this even possible? A never thought I’d see ye again. Oh I’ve missed you.”
“Me too. Took me pure ages tae find this place.”
“Give me a hug.”
“Naw, you’ll squash me. Al tell ye what a can dae though,” Brenda said wae a wink.
Rab smiled and pulled doon his pants.
“Ah ya wee bastard ye!”
The midgie bit him right on his bellend.
“Ha-ha, ya daft bastard. And am no even a wumen,” it said and flew away.
100% true story. Thank you for your time.