Amazing Sweeties

There was this guy in the queue for an aeroplane. A real aeroplane that was going to a far far away land. But he wisnae thinking about that. You see he had these amazing sweeties and he was munching on one. Mibby it was apple and cherry flavour or mibby a banana one. He was laughing away to himself about these delicious sweeties. Oh they were belters.

He finished the one he was chewing and stuffed another in his gub. Couldnae contain his excitement! There was a wuman and guy beside him in the queue. Didnae even know them, but he nudged the guy.

“Here, these sweeties are unreal man. You tried them afore?” The guy shook his head.

“He disnae like sweeties. He’s got a bad back and ulcers in his belly,” said the wuman, clearly wanting in on their private conversation.

“A wisnae talking to you, wiz ah? Nip it, hen.” Turned back to the guy. “Well, you want one?”

“Aye alrite, geez one.”

So the guy had one.

“Amazing eh?”

“It wisnae bad. But am no really intae sweeties.”

Our guy got quite worked up about that. Visibly upset.

“Whit? Then why did ye take one of ma amazing sweeties then if ye were only going tae waste it?”

Guy shrugged. “I dunno. The way you were right intae them I thought mibby I’d like them.”

The wumen was trying tae tell him tae ignore our guy and both looked a bit uncomfortable. Shady bastards that they were.

“Ye fucking hink ye could take me?” Our guy said.

“Calm down. I’m no going tae fight you. We’re about tae get on an aeroplane. A real aeroplane and we’re going tae a far far away land. So calm it. There’s polis aboot!”

“Aye. And what of it? Hink ye could take me? Mon then! Mon then ya fucking wideo!”

So our guy malkied that wideo guy and his nose exploded. Armed polis jumped out the walls and jist started shooting every cunt. Cannae blame them – 9/11 and all that. Our guy dived for cover but was shot tae pieces and his sweeties went flying out his pocket. The sweeties started running away on their own, but one of them polisman had a keen shot and pow! Down they went.

The polisman picked up one and ate it. And dae ye know whit? Loved them. Most amazing sweeties he’d ever had in his life. So it wasn’t such a tragic event after all.

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