There was this wee Robin bird, and it was crying by a wall near Shitebag’s Alley. A ginger cat jumped out the bushes and spotted him wae a big smile. The wee bird tried tae fly away but couldnae. He was for a better word, fucked.
“Ooh. Look at this, eh? Whit’s the matter wae you, wee man?” the ginger cat said.
“I’ve hurt ma arm so a cannae fly,” the wee bird whispered, trying again to fly away. Didnae move an inch. A wee shame so it was. He cowered behind a broken bottle of Buckfast.
“Oh a see. Well, if ye want, ye kin sit on ma back and I’ll take ye anywhere ye need tae go. You wont need tae fly.”
“You’re no going tae eat me?”
“Eat ye? Whit! A get ma grub fae the leftovers in the bins ootside Spicy Bite. Why would a eat a mangy wee bird?”
“Am sorry a said that. It’s jist that it’s hard tae trust these days.”
“A understand. A trusted ma ex and she ended up wae a belly full of black kittens. They wirnae mine a tell ye. A heard fae the YY crew that she was getting boaby fae awe the cats this side ay Glesga.”
“That disnae sound so good.”
“It wisnae but don’t worry, a rag dolled that cunt Tracy when a found out. Ripped those black kittens oot her belly with these very teeth. Fucking bitch. A buried her face up in the bins so a kin shite on it anytime a want tae.”
The cat spat on the ground and sniffed a half-eaten Mars Bar. “So whit dae ye say?” the cat said, lowering his wee eyebrows.
“Tae ma fucking offer ay carting your wee arse around until ye kin fly.”
And so the wee bird climbed on the cat’s back and they had the best day of their lives! The wee bird’s arm got better but he pretended it was still sore so he could stay with his new best pal. They were ever so very happy and even made plans tae go tae Paris for the cat’s third birthday.
Just as our pals were settling down tae tuck into a delicious still warm prawn korma in the Spicy Bite bins, a lorry driver reversed in fae the main road too far and speeded right for them!
The wee robin bird managed tae fly away at the last second. However, the poor ginger cat wisnae so lucky and was squished by the back wheels.
It wisnae all bad news. The driver was heading for France so our wee pal’s body got scattered fae Muirhead tae Paris in a somewhat poetic sending off.