Trump and Putin visit Cumbernauld

After a shitey official tour of Cumbernauld, Trump and Putin headed intae a first year Oor Lady’s High School disco tae finish aff the day.

Time of their fucking lives.

“Ooh ooh! Ooh ooh!” said Trump, feeling up a wee lassie.

“Yaaasss!” Putin shouted as Discoland blared oot. “Up, up, up and away..!”


“How many did ye nip?” Putin asked in the bog, nearing the end of the night.

“Seven,” said Trump. “Awe straight facers an awe.”

“That it? Haha, ya poof. A nipped eight.”

“You joined the queue fir that wee scrumpet who was winching every cunt, that’s why.”

“Wee darlin but, eh?”

“Wiz she fuck.”

“Here, ye want tae go oot fir a smoke? A wee guy’s got some n they’re heading up the Rezzi.”

“Yaaassss. Here this wee town is no bad, eh?” Putin said, wae a wee nudge.

“Och yir maw. It’s a shitehole. Am going tae bomb it tae fuck efter a get ma hole n head back home.”

“Oh ya mad bastard ye.”

“It’s fir the best, but. Right let’s get doon the Rezzi fore those wee cunts smoke it awe.”

And what a smoke that was. Sadly, things got ugly after they tried tae get back in tae nip one more wee darlin as Mr McGrath chased them and the other bad yins away up the Toony.

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