In Love Wae A Motor

There was this guy who pure fancied this motor. It was wan ay them dead posh Italian motors. He spied Allesandro in the Muirhead showroom and licked his lips.

“Oh ya beauty,” he said. Shiny red paint awe new n whit not. Beautiful cream leather seats an awe. A real belter ay a motor.

He took Allesandro out fir a test drive intae town and shagged him in the car park at John Lewis. The wan next tae the Buchanan bus station, aye that very one. It was up on the 6th floor at a romantic spot near the lift.

That car was wan kinky bastard. Was intae golden showers on the windscreen and everything. Everything! A right kinky bastard you’d say. The guy even tried tae force oot a shite on Allesandro’s boot, but sadly nothing but a few rank farts would sneak oot. That was the only low point ay that wonderful Friday afternoon.

It wisnae jist aboot pissing though. It was love, you guys. They fell in love.

The poor guy cried on the drive home as he knew whit the future had in store fir them in that cruel world. Currently being recently released fae Bar-L fir his part in the Great Co-op robbery of 2001, there was nae money tae purchase such a perfect motor.

On their return, the salesman was none to pleased wae the scent a love that radiated fae Allesandro, and the guy was banned fae any further test drives. That crazy salesman even threatened tae call the Muirhead polis!

He stared fae afar at the beautiful Italian in that showroom and promised he’d come visit everyday until he had enough money fir their wedding.

Sadly, Allesandro vanished the very next day and they never saw each other again.

“Al never let go,” the guy whispered. “Never.”

Whit was tae become ay this poor hero? No one really knows. Some say he died ay a broken heart. Other say he was shot dead fir his part in the Great Co-op robbery part two. But we’ll never know.

A know it’s a wild shot and highly unlikely, but a like tae think that somehow, somewhere, oor hero and Allesandro found each other again, grew auld together and lived happily ever after.

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