A Magic Fish

There was this magic fish who lived in the River Clyde and granted wishes. He was having a nice wee swim when oot ae fucking nowhere some prick scooped him up in a net and he was launched intae a bucket a ice. Poor wee guy was gutted and shipped aff tae the chippy in Muirhead.

So there was this guy fae Muirhead n he was getting ready for his dinner – fish n chips wae hunners a vinegar face the chippy – when the fish spoke tae him.

“Here, ma prince. Am a magic fish. Don’t eat me. Take me back tae the Clyde and wish me alive again.”


“If ye dae that, I’ll grant ye awe the wishes in the world.”

“Ye grant wishes?”

“Aye. But wish me alive first. Please, ma prince, dae as a ask before it’s tae-”

“I wish ma hamster could talk. Am taking it tae rob the Airdrie Savings Bank.”

The fish frowned and lay still. But a miracle happened! In less time it took fir the guy tae coat the fish in tomato sauce, the hamster underwent a magical transformation.

“Alright, ya fanny. Get us oot this cage, eh?” the guy’s hamster said.

And so they scoffed that magic fish together and went on tae successfully rob the bank.

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